Harry's Way of Defeating Voldemort
by FlamingThunder
Summary: As the title suggests, and it's not that good of a story, hot off the press, but it's good enough for a laugh, however cheap, or quick. Please read and review. Let me know if I got the rating right


A/N: Hey!! I'm back!! this is just a little story to help me get back on my feet, and I'll have another story up soon!!  
Please R&R!

Harry was at the Durselys', with Dudley, once again, watching the television, eating as he did, with his many chins and neck rolls wiggling and jiggling, food spilling from his mouth and onto his shirt as he laughed.  
'Jesus Christ!' thought Harry, 'if he keeps this up, then pretty soon I'll be able to curse him and they'll bounce right off of him!'

Harry looked into the television, curious as to what Dudley was watching. 'Ouch,' thought Harry, wincing, as a guy was kicked in the nuts by his friend. Harry soon turned his thoughts back onto Sirius, the prophecy, and how the hell a freshly sixteen year old boy was supposed to defeat the greatest dark wizard of all time.

'I suppose I could kick Voldemort in the balls,' snorted Harry, laughing he turned around and saw the same guy on tv getting kicked in the nuts again, and then fall into a lake. Suddenly, Harry had an idea. Chuckling, he wrote out a letter to Voldermort.

_ Dear Moldyshorts, (Yes I did call you that!)_

I have noticed that you do not know the prophecy, while I do. Now, I have a deal for you, the deal is, I tell you the prophecy, and you bring your forces to attack in the middle of this year. Yes, you heard that right, I WANT you to attack with all your forces in the middle of this year, and as such, I will tell you the prophecy. Send me a reply by Hedwig(Don't kill her, or torture her, or maim her, or harm her in anyway).  
Also, you may notice the other package that I have also sent along with her.

Sincerely yours,

Harry Fucking Potter (Literally)

P.S. Could you also send some food along?  
P.P.S. I also know of some really great hair growth charms  
P.P.P.S. You looked better as Tom.  
P.P.P.P.S. (No I'm just kidding)

"Here Hedwig," Harry said as he gave her the letter and package, send this to Voldemort please. Hedwig looked at him, wondering what the hell he was thinking, but as he was laughing insanely at this point, she just flew out the window.__

Dear Annoying, four-eyed Brat,

Your insolence amazes me, or is it just your stupidity? Never call by that name AGAIN!! And that is indeed a interesting deal, one that I will accept gladly. How do you open the package? Your owl is also unharmed.

The greateest Dark Lord who ever lived,

Voldemort

Dear Baldy,

Here is the prophecy, The one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the dark lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the dark lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... the one with the power to vanquish the dark lord will be born as the seventh month dies...

P.S. You say open to open the package... idiot

Yours,(no not really, though I bet you'd love that)

Harry Potter

Harry stood up at the great hall, as it was the middle of the month, and tapped his glass, Ron and Hermione stared at him, wondering what he was doing. He cleared his throat.  
"Excuse me?" he said uncertainly, everyone continued on, and he tried in vain to gather everyone's attention but finally shouted, "SHUT UP!!"

Every one turned to look at him.  
"Thank you," Harry said, beaming, "I would like to inform everyone of the fact that Voldemort -" collective flinch, "oh, grow up, will be arriving here in ten ten minutes to wage war on us... .thank you."

With that, Harry sat down and continued eating.  
Instant screams of terror as everyone registered what Harry just said.

Voldemort and his minions then popped into the room and everyone got quiet as they saw Voldemort walk up to Harry. "DUEL! NOW! YOU! ME! AGREED?" Voldemort screamed. Harry looked at him, smiled, stood up, and gave Voldemort a swift kick to the balls.

Everyone sat, or stood, in the Deatheaters case, baffled, as Harry proceeded to kick Voldemort in the nuts a further 20 times.

Voldermort was now lying on the ground, crying, and Harry wordlessy floated him up, and threw him through the window, and into the lake, where Voldemort died from suffocation. Voldemort's former minons looked in horror at Harry, and tried to disaparate, only to find themselves getting hit with a jinx Harry created, which gave the unfortunate victum the feeling of being kicked in the balls over and over.

Harry grinned at everyone, who stared at him, dumbstruck at having defeated Voldemort and his minions without breaking a sweat.

The Aurors soon arrived and Harry was reguarded as a hero, and the only user of the most dangerous curse alive.


End file.
